A very dear friend of mine posted this thought provoking quote:
“Motherhood is NOT a competition to see who has the smartest kids, the cleanest house, the healthiest dinners, or the nicest clothes…..Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children.”
I reflected on this quote like I do any other: I thought it was extremely inspirational. I immediately thought on how I could incorporate this into my life, I made a mental note on becoming a better mother, I wrote it down in my notebook, etc.
Like any other inspirational advice, I reflect and start the process of change. I took a detour to whole foods and raided the children’s vitamin aisle, I pretended I enjoyed playing barbies with my daughter, I sat my son down on the sofa and asked him about every second of his day (as he looked at me like I was a drugged up version of his mother), I googled articles like “How not to yell at your children”. This reflection, like all the others, had an expiration date the day I overheard some neighbors talking about their kids at the Starbucks lineup. The one parent went on & on about how he was really hoping his son would have gotten into Harvard but got accepted to Yale instead. The other parent (believe it or not) was sympathizing. Oh, and their kids also were swimming champions, played polo and helped out some local charity.
Well you can just guess my reaction. If I had any superpower in that moment it would have been the power to freeze time so I could walk up to these parents and punch them because here I’m hoping my kid makes it to UOP (University of Palatine – aka Harper College).
The inspirational quote didn’t help my competitive emotions creeping up and possessing my body. My claws were coming out once again. I didn’t want a frickin JOURNEY with my children! I wanted them to be in AP classes and playing polo and wearing clean Ralph Lauren shirts all neatly tucked into their khaki shorts. I want a clean house at all times and well behaved children that sit at the kitchen table finishing their homework. I want it all!!! So here I am back to driving my children to kumon, tennis lessons, basketball lesson, tutor sessions, swim lessons, and everything else that everyone else does so they can get their kids into god damn Yale or Harvard or whatever other Ivy league schools are listed on a website called “The best colleges in the USA”!!! Phew, that was a mouthful.
Yes, I do this to myself on purpose. I make myself insane.