I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to blog about my update sooner, but here’s whats going on!
I am having the most difficult time eating right. My brain knows I shouldn’t eat that bag of chips, but my hand and mouth take control. I just don’t have self-control, I’m addicted to the most unhealthy, mouth watering foods on the planet, I’M ADDICTED!!! Having said that, I have a newly found respect for recovering addicts. I completely bow down to your determination, your willingness to change, and your self-control.
I am happy to say that I am now drinking up to 5 glasses of water a day (this should give my 2 cousins immense joy – you know who you are). I am really trying hard to log in what I eat so I can stay updated on my calorie count – I admit, I do cheat when doing this, and I have no idea why! It’s not like the food government is watching my log, or anyone else for that matter, so why do I try to log in less calories??? Who does that? Who cheats on themselves?? Me! That’s who!
Because (I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with ‘because’ but whatever) I’m a vegetarian I realized I wasn’t eating enough protein, so I set up this nut & seed station on my kitchen counter. This way as I’m passing by I grab a handful for a snack.
Yes, I know, the walnuts are actually pecans – my dear friend pointed this out when she was over. She saw my awesomely decorated tray, looked over at me and said: “Ruby, you do know that those are not walnuts right?” No, I didn’t realize they were not walnuts (also I was too lazy to change out the label)! My lack of recognizing protein rich foods is astonishing. But (yes, I shouldn’t start a sentence with but either!) here’s the kicker, when I logged in eating a handful of pecans do you know how many calories are in one cup? 700!!! Yep, you read it right, 700 f’ing calories!!! There is no winning! I just can’t seem to get it right!
Now let’s move onto my health check-up. Even after trying really, really hard to eat better, go to the gym, log in my food, I still wasn’t shedding off any weight. My friends told me to try on clothes, because sometimes the scale won’t move but your clothes will start to fit better. NOPE, my clothes didn’t fit, I was still pulling out the leggings. After constantly complaining about my issue to a friend, she suggested I go and get checked up, maybe I have a thyroid issue. A thyroid issue? what’s that you ask? Let me enlighten you in a short sentence: We have a thyroid gland which produces thyroid hormones, these hormones maintain our metabolism. If my thyroid isn’t functioning properly then that could be the answer to why I wasn’t shedding off the weight despite all my efforts. Ok, well if I do have a thyroid issue how would that help me? Well, my friend explained, if your thyroid is off the doctor will prescribe medication to help get it back on track. Soooo, you guys can guess what I did next, I booked the earliest appointment with my PC. Yep. This is how shallow my thought process has become, I actually hoped I had a thyroid issue and would be prescribed a magic pill that would solve all my problems. Not only did I HOPE for a thyroid issue, I was actually disappointed when my numbers came back normal and healthy. Can you believe that?! What kind of person am I? Who in their right mind wishes for health issues? Again, ME! THAT’S WHO! I profusely apologize to all those people who actually have a thyroid issue, it must be awful and not fun, I wish all of you speedy recoveries. These are my raw thoughts, so please don’t judge.
A lot of you might be thinking: what are you complaining about Ruby, you look great! That’s not the point. All my life I have been a certain size (even after birth), yes it fluctuated a size here and there, but not drastically. Do any of you go into your closet and try on those jeans (or dress, pants, skirt) and find they don’t even go past your lower thighs? Do you sit there and wonder how in the hell you got to this point? Then do you go and try on your – it’s winter, i have my period, i’m bloated and i still haven’t started my new years resolution (from 9 months ago) – jeans AND THEY ALSO don’t go past your thighs? This is where I was in my last post – rock bottom. I’m not sure if you can tell, but here is the size i’ve always been:
And then this:
You all may think I look good (it’s only because I’m wearing black) but come on ppl…don’t even deny it, my face looks like a) a chipmunk or b) like I’ve stuffed my face with Cheetos puffs right before the picture was snapped.
I found this picture on FB. I’m not on FB, but on occasion I will steal my husbands phone and stalk everyone. Yes, i’m a FB stalker, i will zoom in on every single picture on your profile! In the midst of my hours of stalking, I came across this picture that a friend posted, in which I look 5 months pregnant (MAMTA DELETE!!!!).
This post is getting too long, I will have to end it. In conclusion, there are no shortcuts, nor do things happen instantly like we are accustomed to. This truly is a lifestyle change for me. I am going to keep taking these baby steps to a healthier body.