As I get closer to turning 40 I’m starting to question quite a bit in life.  Most importantly, I’m having a tough time embracing it.  Is age really just a number, well technically it is, but it really isn’t!  It’s so much more than that.  Your age defines a lot in life.  I can’t do things I did when I was 20 or even 30 – like have kids, or stay up past midnight, ok I CAN do these things but they are so much more harder!  When I was younger and my mom turned 40, I remember thinking “wow she’s so old“, that seems like it was yesterday.  And  now here I am, married for almost 15 years, 2 kids and (oh god) turning 40.

I remember turning 30, it wasn’t that bad, I still had ambition and drive and dreams.  I still felt I had all the time in the world.  I would sit and think of all the things I wanted to accomplish, like climb the corporate ladder and be this kick-ass VP of Human Resources, wear awesome designer suits with some jaw dropping red soles, have that corner office over looking the city.  I wanted to be this super trendy, cool mom that packed perfect lunches and made shit out quinoa.  I wanted to be featured in the parenting magazine you read at the doctors office titled “The Women Who Has It All”.  Do I still want all that? No.  Why?  BECAUSE I’M F***ING TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!  I am tired as shit.  My family is lucky that I even get my ass out of bed!  The world is lucky that I actually change out of my over-sized pajamas (sometimes) and comb my hair, that is getting grayer by the second!  You know that saying “don’t wish for it, work for it”?  Well that saying can just go suck a f***ing sour lemon, because i don’t WANT to work for it!  I will look at some great pair of louboutins, I’ll imagine them on my feet but do I actually want to wear them just to have extremely achy feet and blisters? No, no I don’t.  I will look at skinny b****es (no offense, you gals look fab, but I still hate you) with no stretch marks on their perfect little bodies, but do I want to eat ass shit quinoa or even worse walk on a treadmill? No, that’s a HELL NO.  So, all I do now is just “wish for crap”.

Just the other day I thought I’d spruce myself up, maybe go try on some trendy clothes that’ll turn back the clock a bit.  The sales clerk recommended skinny jeans with rips at the knees, I thought ‘why not’.  First off, it takes so much effort to go the changing room and try stuff on.  Second, have any of you tried on skinny jeans that are not jeggings?  OMG!  If I wasn’t already depressed, this takes the cake.  To think I know what size I am, but no, these little suckers only make it to my thigh, at which point I have now turned into a kid who’s had too much sugar jumping on a trampoline to get them all the way up because there is no god damn way I am asking for A BIGGER SIZE!!!!!  Now that I finally have them up, I make sure I tuck in my extra flab and hanging skin due to birthing my children (who have turned into rug rats) and try to close that button.  Oh the horror of getting that button closed and that zipper up.  I’m not even going to go there.  So now that I have these suckers on, to think I would look like a kardashian, but nooooo, I look like like a muffin top.  But here’s the worst part of it, since these supposed trendy jeans had cut off’s, I just noticed that I have wrinkles on my knees!  Yes, I have knee wrinkles

Have I thought about Botox and surgery?  Yes, I contemplate it all the time.  Who wouldn’t want to hold on to a youthful face for as long as possible?  But here’s my dilemma – I’ve over thought it.  I’ve scoured the internet looking at people who’ve gone under the knife and I’ve come to the this conclusion: they looked better before!

So, no, age is not just a number.  It is the definition of everything in your life.  It defines your youth, your energy, your ability to have kids, your health, your whole entire existence and how long you’ll be in existence.

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